Kwame Kilpatrick’s middle finger now jammed up his own rectum
But then, as we should all be well aware by now, that is hardly the news of the day. So when the story broke on Wednesday afternoon that Judge Groner publicly labeled the disgraced former mayor a prolific fabricator and distorter of truths of epic proportions (a damned liar, in other words), I suspect a fair number of Detroiters viewed the Judge’s pronouncement with a slight sense of bitter amusement, but that’s about it.
Of course the mother fucker lied. Of course he figured he could get away with trying to shortchange the city by dodging his restitution payments and sticking his middle finger that much deeper up our collective rectum with barbwire wrapped around the tip. That’s what he does. That’s who he is.
So now Kilpatrick has 90 days to cough up more than $300,000, and one less year to pay the remainder of the million he owes Detroit (leaving him three years left), otherwise he could find himself right back in jail. He also apparently has to leave his humble Texas mansion, the one he thought nobody would mind since it is so obviously so very much less than what a king is due, and return to Michigan to serve out the remainder of his probation.
Gee. I wonder if Ma Kilpatrick will foot the bill for another private lear jet?
I also wonder if all those secret benefactors (the largest collection of blind mice ever) will organize an emergency group huddle and reflexively dig deep once again to bail out their boy for old time’s sake, or whether they will organize an emergency group hug before jumping over the rails and onto the safety of terra firma, cutting the rope, and casting off the Good Ship Kwame to sink on its own. Because without the heavy duty assistance of these secret ( and some not-so-secret) members of Team Kwame, I don’t see how Kwame is gonna make this deadline.
My guess is – or maybe it’s my sincere hope at this point – that Kilpatrick will wind up back in jail for a considerable amount of time and that we will never see that $300,000 coughed up in 90 days, let alone a million within three years. Not gonna happen. If it does, then the next big story will be the location of the buried treasure or the publicly disclosed list of Team Kwame members who miraculously rode to the rescue once again.
Except that I don’t see them riding to the rescue again. For one thing, they don’t want to look like a bunch of sycophantic suckers, and for another this tab Kwame is running is getting steep even for them.
So, as much as it pains me to say it, I say screw the million bucks. Just throw the lyin’ MF in jail and let’s be done with it. Once and for all. Just get him out of our lives. Besides, Detroit’s so deep in the hole now, that Kwame’s puny million isn’t gonna save us anyhow.
Go directly to jail.
SHAMELESS PLUG: Read my wife’s blog @ The “D” Spot Redeux