Michael Phelps smoked a joint? Thank goodness.
This is the ‘news’ story that every time I see it I can’t believe it’s still here.
See Michael Phelps. See Michael Phelps smoke dope. See Michael Phelps apologize for smoking dope. Again, and again, and again, and again, and…
Bad Michael. Bad, Bad Michael.
The truth? I want the scoop on whoever the punk was who took the photo and sent it in to the news media. Now THAT’S a story I might be interested in reading. Because I would seriously like to know why anyone would feel compelled to try and wreck a young man’s career behind some weed. Far as I’m concerned, that’s the MF who needs to be doing some apologizing.
Now if Mike had been caught taking some performance-enhancing drugs, then maybe I can understand. Matter of fact, scratch the ‘maybe’. For the simple reason that any evidence the man uses those types of drugs would cast immediate doubts on his unbelievable eight gold medal feat at the 2008 Summer Olympics. That right there is a reason for the masses to be Mad at Mike.
But to be mad at this kid because he smoked some reefer? Get the fuck outta here. So we’re burning the man at the stake because he proved he’s a human being? Because now we know he only swims in the water and can’t actually walk on top of it? Folks, that is so pathetic. In a wildly hypocritical culture where alcohol is perfectly fine, and so is nicotine (even if smokers have been shoved to the front of the line at the persecution booth), can we honestly with a straight face talk about how this kid has let us down?
Look, Michael’s job is to swim real fast and win medals. That’s what he does for a living. His job is not to be the standard for American morality. His job is not to become the personification of Boy Wonder. His job is not to be the role model for our children or to raise them by proxy. If your kids start smoking dope, don’t even try and blame Phelps for that, all right? No. Stop. Just shut up.
I repeat; Michael’s job is to swim fast and win medals, and I defy anyone to say he didn’t do his job. Matter of fact he did his job way better than most of us do ours, and most of us probably have a lot more secrets to keep hidden in the closet than he ever will. But since nobody gives a damn what our secrets are then we’re in the clear. But because Phelps’ job puts him in the spotlight, then he draws the short straw and is forced to bear the burden of our twisted fantasies of what a good All American sports hero is supposed to be?
Michael Phelps is a swimmer. A damned fast swimmer. He deserves all the accolades, praise, and endorsements that he has received. He worked harder to achieve what he did during his young life than most Americans have ever worked in their entire lives. And the lives of their families and friends. So if he felt like relaxing one day at a party and taking a toke, then I personally couldn’t care less. And neither should anyone else.
I haven’t smoked weed in more than 30 years, but this right here is reason enough to fire up all over again.
Pass me that joint, Mike.