Usain Bolt not from Jamaica. He is from Planet Quickness.

Sometimes a person can accomplish something so far beyond the reach of mere mortals that it must be deemed either ridiculous or otherworldly. Since running 200 meters in 19.30 seconds isn’t what I would call ridiculous, then by default what Usain Bolt did today in the Olympic finals was otherworldly. Meaning not normal. Freakish even.

I say this because I figure it is my duty to make normal folks such as myself feel better after having watched that race and been reduced to a whining puddle of inadequacy and self-doubt. I remember the days when I used to run the 100 yard dash and the 200 (yes, that long ago), and was even being eyed by a few top track coaches.

Yes! Me!

I reflect upon these long ago and far away chest-thumping moments of pride because, once again, they make me feel better. Because when I place my accomplishments in the context of the human race, then, as Jesse Jackson says, ‘I Am Somebody’. However, once the SuperHumans are factored into the mix then I, like 99.9 percent of the rest of the ‘ordinary’ human race, begin to fade into the fog of insignificance. We become mere witnesses in the stands to the next stage in human evolution. The future is all too suddenly now.

I bring you greetings from Planet Quickness.

I bring you greetings from Planet Quickness.

Unless, of course, we unanimously declare Usain Bolt – and, of course, Michael Phelps – to be members of another race of beings altogether. They won’t mind. They already have their gold medals and their world records and their million dollar endorsement deals. What do they care if they are now excommunicated from the human race?

And since I am not yet ready to be declared irrelevant, or to become a member of the past tense in the present day, then I say we should act now without delay. We already know how quick these beings are, so if we don’t immediately take matters into our own hands we could swiftly become the equivalent of chalk outlines on a pavement as they tread unfeelingly across our fading relevance.

All in favor? Good. Let’s move out.

SHAMELESS PLUG: Read my wife’s blog at


~ by Keith A. Owens on August 20, 2008.

7 Responses to “Usain Bolt not from Jamaica. He is from Planet Quickness.”

  1. I love the idea of adding another race. And still on the subject of lightning bolts from Jamaica…
    “Nothing to do in Joburg besides … wish I was Jamaican (or as it is now known, “the sprint capital of the world”). It’s that speed, those colours of the flag, those golden shoes, that accent, that music and that island style. It’s Usain Bolt and his teammates.
    The Jamaican track team have run off with more than just Olympic glory”

  2. Hey Laurice!

    Thanks for stopping by and for your comment. Yeah, I just figured I’d have some fun with this one, so I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    Take care, and stop by the ‘spot’ anytime.

  3. Hello, I am a proud Jamaican. usain is super fast and has alot more in reserve. He will go faster in the near future. You need to come to Jamaica and witness our boys and girls high school championship and you would be surprise about the amount of super-fast youngster we have in Jamaica.

  4. Man! He had time to read a book, comb his hair, chest bump while the others joined him across the finish line! Amazing! Simply amazing! Yes, certainly in a race of hisown!

  5. Everton,

    Soon as I can get to Jamaica you best believe I’m on my way!


    I have never, ever seen anything like that in my life. It was a complete and total thrill, but it was more than that too. Just great.

  6. is this image copyright free ?

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